Robert Frost once wrote, “Something there is that doesn’t love a wall. That wants it down.” For years I have built my wall, and for years I’ve been mending it. I’ve lost good neighbors along the way. These scribblings are about the journey that I have taken (am still taking) in the process of healing and figuring out how to turn my back and not worry that the stones stay in their rightful place. I have decided, like Frost, “There where it is we do not need the wall.” With the wall being torn down, I am free to experience the journey.
I have suffered through the abuse and neglect of a parent and step-parent whose lives were affected by alcoholism and drug abuse, even though the outside of our world looked nearly picture perfect. I have suffered through a violent rape and subsequent pregnancy in which I anguished over a life-altered choice. I suffered through having a baby as a result of that rape that I knew I would not be able to raise. I suffered through giving that baby to adoptive parents. I suffered through the tragic death of my older brother. I suffered through the loss of my own baby daughter. But I refuse to be a victim to all this suffering.
I hold truths that I did not before. I am intelligent. I am valued. I am loved. These three truths light the path of my journey of healing.