Robert Frost once wrote, “Something there is that doesn’t love a wall.  That wants it down.”  For years I have built my wall, and for years I’ve been mending it.  I’ve lost good neighbors along the way.  These scribblings are about the journey that I have taken (am still taking) in the process of healing and figuring out how to turn my back and not worry that the stones stay in their rightful place.  I have decided, like Frost, “There where it is we do not need the wall.”   With the wall being torn down, I am free to experience the journey.

I have suffered through the abuse and neglect of a parent and step-parent whose lives were affected by alcoholism and drug abuse, even though the outside of our world looked nearly picture perfect.  I have suffered through a violent rape and subsequent pregnancy in which I anguished over a life-altered choice.  I suffered through having a baby as a result of that rape that I knew I would not be able to raise.  I suffered through giving that baby to adoptive parents.  I suffered through the tragic death of my older brother.  I suffered through the loss of my own baby daughter.  But I refuse to be a victim to all this suffering.

I hold truths that I did not before.  I am intelligent.  I am valued.  I am loved.   These three truths light the path of my journey of healing.


2 replies

  1. Wow I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. I know it’s not quite the same but Hubby and I are unable to have children naturally, I went through three rounds of IVF and lost 7 babies. You story is going to do amazing things for people.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you for the child you had to give away. Your strength feeds my own and makes me feel a little less abnormal.

    Thank you for sharing.

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