Alluded Expectations

“An illusion is something we refuse to see, but we see what we want…”

                                             ~Edna Stewart

I’ve always heard and read that it is best to have high expectations, for when you lower your expectations, you are lowering your standards.  At this point in my life, I consider that statement to be sheer and utter nonsense.  The trouble with expectations is their value depends upon some contingent event.  In the lack of being able to control such events, we set ourselves up for disappointment, which is very trying for people like me who have experienced more than their fair share.

An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic.  An expectation can also be considered the anticipation, in the event of uncertainty, that the prospect of whatever it is you expect is likely to happen.  Its significance lies in forecasting, conceiving, or envisaging.  In the event that something that has not been contemplated happens, we call this curveball a “surprise.”   When I think of surprises, I generally visualize a rather pleasant occurrence; Most surprises are welcomed with glee, such as the day that my husband brought me a beautiful silver compact because I told him once before that I always wanted one.   Then there are those surprises that are unfortunate, say, being graced with an unannounced month-long visit from your crazy Aunt Edna.

Expressing an expectation about the behavior or performance of another person to that person could be perceived as a strong request or an order, which could be acceptable if the person is agreeable in taking the responsibility for the outcome of the expectation.  This is altogether a different matter with regards to what I like to call an Alluded Expectation.

This sort of expectation can set the wheels in motion for a disaster on a monumental scale.  According to the nature of an allusion, one of the parties must be privy to the minutiae, but the other poor soul has very little to no inkling about the circumstances surrounding the expectation. Unless, by chance, this creature is endowed with Extra Sensory Perception, also known as E.S.P., there is a somewhat strong chance that the details of the expectation will remain… sketchy.  Herein lies the architecture of the Alluded Expectation.

There isn’t much more that I detest than a braggart, so please pardon my boastfulness in my grandiose proclamation of being a master of the Alluded Expectation.  It has taken quite a few years to perfect the art, but now that I have, I am more than willing to share my secrets.  Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the secret of the Alluded Expectation:

It’s very simple if you follow these steps as I have for the majority of my adult life:

  1. Perpetuate an expectation upon a person who is unknowing and, usually, incapable of fulfilling that expectation
  2. Await the fulfillment of said expectation with great anticipation and apprehension, knowing full well that the expectation could easily flop
  3. Discover with great anguish that said expectation did not come to fruition
  4. Languish in the disappointment of the failure of said expectation
  5. Harbor ill-felt resentment toward the person who did not/could not fulfill said expectation

The first step is easy.  I have difficulty with communicating wants, needs, and desires, quite a valuable commodity when drafting an Alluded Expectation.  The difficulty stems from my childhood where I was not allowed to think, let alone communicate,  my wants, needs, or desires in any regard, but rather to consider the narcissist’s feelings at each turn.  So, to cultivate an expectation that involves some action of another person without properly communicating it to that person is easily actualized.  Sometimes, my glorious dreams lend themselves to the perpetuation of the Alluded Expectation.  In my dreams, I am happy and I make everyone around me happy: a pure round the clock love fest!  The insane thinking that takes over my mind from time to time convinces me that everyone else’s happiness is my primal obligation.  At the same time, my complete and insatiable happiness is for everyone else to shoulder.   This is the grandest sort of Alluded Expectation that I generate.  <<Note to those who seek sanity:  Everyone is responsible for their own happiness!>>

While awaiting the Alluded Expectation to unfold in the way that it previously did in my fantasies, I generally experience a great deal of anxiety.  It’s not enough that an expectation, clearly stated or otherwise, becomes fulfilled in itself, but it should be fulfilled to my precise and exact specification of allusion (i.e. the picture I see in my brain that is basically clandestine to everyone else).   Through the anxiety of waiting, my mind travels down all the wrong avenues and back alleys that the Alluded Expectation could take and how morbidly horrid the varied outcomes, other than my picture perfect one, of course.  <<Note to those who seek sanity: I am not, no matter how omnipotent I deem myself, able to alter God’s plan.>>

When the Alluded Expectation does not go as anticipated, it is more than dispiriting.  It is tragic!  Why in the world would anyone ever (who even remotely likes me) disregard my Alluded Expectation?  Wouldn’t anyone be more than happy to execute whatever it is that I need or want but did not state?  I would oblige my friends and loved ones by performing whatever duty that was deemed necessary to maintain their happiness, whether they were implicit or explicit, because I know what it is that would make everyone else happy.  Wouldn’t they do the same for me?  Don’t they have the power to take care of my feelings?  <<Note to those who seek sanity:  The world does not revolve around me and my Alluded Expectations.>>

The very moment preceding the discovery of the unfulfilled Alluded expectation, the engraved invitations to my massive and immediate pity party are posted to everyone and anyone within earshot.  Woe is me!  Woe is me!  (And so forth.)  Temper tantrum over, I think I’ll go to bed now.  <<Note to those who seek sanity:  Being a Drama Queen is best left up to Reality TV stars.>>

When I am up to it, I will obsess about how the “offender” (aka the person who didn’t understand the nature of my Alluded Expectation) did not come through for me.  When I see the offender, I will be compelled to shove the demise of my Alluded Expectation in the offender’s flabbergasted face as the offender stands there in wonderment of what the hell went wrong.  I will store the broken, shattered, unfulfilled and unexpressed Alluded Expectation in the recesses of my twisted little mind, for this is my trump card that I will play whenever the need arises for me to be viewed as a martyr.  In this most certain event, everyone will understand (again)  just how slighted I (still) feel by the infraction.  << Note to those who seek sanity:  Seriously?  Get over it! >>

If you have been searching high and low for a lifetime of disappointment, try out the Alluded Expectation.  None of your family or friends will know what hit them.  You will be surrounded in instant drama, chaos, and dysfunction, fun for the entire family!   (Disclaimer: The author of this post is not liable for any fractured bones, lacerations, or gun shot wound that are caused by the use of this five step plan.)   <<Note to those who seek sanity:  Share this with your inner circle so that they, too, can see how overtly demented it is to invest time and energy in Alluded Expectations.>>




    1. Thank you! It’s a little different from my usual style, but I do like to experiment with writing! I don’t post everything I write. Some of it doesn’t suit my fancy! 😉

  1. I have now read every post tonight. Probably very scary for you when you first published a post. But as more posts lay in your blog with the likes and comments I am sure that the weight you have been carrying for so many years lift. The weight will never totally leave you but over the future years as different experiences arise the memories should fade. Many people can relate to your childhood to a greater or lesser extent. Mine was definitely lesser, but as a child when living through abuse at what ever level is horrific for the child. It wasn’t all bad for me but when it was bad it was bad. God bless you and thank you for writing this blog. You deserve a hug. Ralph xox

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